Step 1: There is no Step 1

I am a planner. I like my plans; they are (somewhat) well thought out & create little pockets of safety in an otherwise chaotic universe. Just about everyone I know has “a plan” regarding any number of issues & subjects in their life. The funny thing is, I don’t know anyone who as actually gotten all the way through one perfectly from A to B. Do you know why? Because God thinks our plans are “cute” & has big belly laughs every time we come up with one.

Now sometimes, I’ll admit, I sidetrack myself. For instance keeping up with this blog, I have every best intention! I compose paragraphs in my head all day on multiple subjects. I even have notes voice recorded in my phone! But as soon as the laptop opens, I become dazzled by one website or another that I’m just going to “check real quick!” Before you know it, hours have passed & all I’ve accomplished is learning the details of what Amber Rose is wearing in London today.

However, more often than not, it’s the universe working against me, most recently in the form of my cherubic 1-yr old fairy god-daughter. I was very clear with her, no pooping while Aunt Christine is in charge. None. I could almost hear God in her giggle & then, that foul odor wafted up. Oh the joy in her sweet little face as she attempted a bare-butt leap to freedom off the changing table while I gagged over the Diaper Genie. Needless to say, that plan did not work as well as her high-fiber breakfast.

But other plans are more important to the grander goal than just making it through babysitting without puking on the actual baby. For instance, I have a specific financial plan with a specific end goal. I did everything right in planning this one; I hit all the SMART bullet points (although I forget what the “R” stands for?). Then, there went the rug, right from under me & my carefully calculated spreadsheet. I’ve seen this happen time & time again to myself & friends alike. “We’ll have a baby after we buy a house.”, “I believe marriage is forever.”, “He’s got shore duty; finally we can spend some time together!”, “Thank goodness for my job security!” We’ve all been there, we all had a plan, but so did God.

The difference is that we can’t see The Big Picture. We curse & rant & fret when the universe makes a hard left even though we clearly said right. Our best made plans are worthless, but we persevere. Or we become addicted to Xanax, but that’s not really the best option, or the point I’m trying to get at here.

What I am getting at is that in the end, we look back & realize we wouldn’t have had it any other way. Our plan, our big goal, was missing the point all along. It’s not important what I drive in a year, it’s important that those I love are healthy. I will rock a ’97 Corolla if it means that my real happiness is still safe. Without that left turn, I would’ve missed that.

As I said in the beginning, I am a planner. But after learning the hard way a few times that plans are written in the sand at best, I’ve learned to rely on a more important skill as well, to close my eyes & jump into the unknown. All I have to do is believe I will soar & God will laugh & show me the way. That plan has proven true to fruition time & time again.